Alex searched me out with her eyes a few times as the class got settled. As I mentioned in my last entry I had explained to her what would be different about this class - that I wouldn't be participating but would be close at hand if she needed me. I think she did feel some anxiety about it, but she seemed to understand. When she looked for me, I would wave and tell her I was still here and wasn't leaving.

As the class started, Bean seemed much more comfortable. She now had Miss Mary to watch and listen to and enjoy. All of this series of classes uses the same opening song, so the first thing to happen was very familiar to Bean, now in her fifth class of the series! She got to go up and get her BELLS (her favorite part)! Miss Mary gave her TWO sets of bells, just like always, but this time, instead of having to give me one of the bell bracelets, she got to keep them both for herself. Of course though, after getting her bells she trotted over to me to give me mine. I told her excitedly that she gets to keep BOTH sets of bells for herself now, because she's a big girl, and sent her back to the circle with the other kids. Here she is with her bells on (literally), shaking her arms to the opening song:

Alex participated well throughout the class, although she DID seem slightly more timid and serious than usual. She has always seemed to take KidRock pretty seriously.

She stayed close to Miss Mary the whole time, really. When I particippated with her last time, she was quick to take every opportunity to go stand close to Mary and answer questions. Today she stood close to Mary and sucked her fingers. A sure sign she is feeling slightly dubious about things. But she sucked her fingers and stayed with Mary vs. crying and running to me, so I knew she was okay.

Occasionally throughout the class, Alex would come over to me, smiling, and get a hug and a 'Wow Bean you're doing GREAT... you're such a big girl! Are you having fun with Miss Mary and the other kids?' and she'd nod and say Yes! and then I'd say, 'Gooooood! Oooh, look what Miss Mary has NOW! Go see!' and she'd trot back to her seat. Mary always welcomed her back and said, 'Here's your seat next to me Alex! I'm glad you're sitting so close to me because you're my friend!' So nice, that Mary.

Here are a few pics of Bean participating. I do realize these are probably only pictures a Mama could look at and see anything very interesting, but I am posting them anyway because I like 'em. It's times like these I realize what a serious MOM I have become... that I look at these pictures and they are all so distinctly meaningful and tell me a story, whereas to ANYONE else, they're just shots of a bunch of kids milling around. At the end of the day, over dinner, Bean told her Daddy about KidRock... she seemed to have had fun and she didn't even mention anything about my not participating. I thought that was a good sign.

Next week I'll stay inside the room for a bit, and then maybe go outside the door and see how she handles that. I noticed that Miss Mary calls the Mamas back inside the MINUTE a child seemed to be worrying or upset. So that made me feel comfortable, too.

I did get teary-eyed a few times sitting by my wall, watching my little girl take another baby step toward independence. I was proud and happy for her... my heart felt full of love and just... joy... to see her do well. I certainly don't want to push her away from me at all, ever. I believe she knows that. I just want to give her opportunities to step out into the world safely and find her self-confidence. Slowly and securely, always. Just enough, at just the right times.