So, hee hee hee, since then, um... lots has happened. I will probably not try to recount the past nearly 6 months of time chronologically, because there's too much happening NOW that I want to write about, but if I know me, anecdotes and reflections about the "blackout period" will show up in current entries, as I have a tendency to wax nostalgic about the past. Suffice it to say that Al and I are in madly love with each other and head over heels for our sweet Beanie. And we think she likes us, too! She's been a healthy, normal, happy baby so far and except for a few sad weeks of coming to terms with some breastfeeding realities, we have had a delightful time watching our little lump of newbornness transform into a wonderful little baby, and person! At about 6 weeks, she helped us understand the concept of BEDTIME, and we have been dutifully putting her to bed the way SHE likes to be put to bed, at 7:00 pm ever since. She adores her bedtime, with Daddy and Mommy together, Daddy changing and feeding her and Mommy sitting on the floor at Daddy's feet, as we talk and catch up with each other's days. Then we have a short prayer and lots of hugs and kisses and snuggles, and then we put Alex into her crib and she smiles as we leave the room. I'm really proud of how easily she's gone to bed since she was so little. We had some naptime trouble at about 2.5 to 3 months, but that worked itself out in a matter of weeks and now she gratefully and happily goes down for naps. In fact, I think I'll just write out her schedule, so it will be here to look at when she's a bit older.

7 - 8:00 AM - Wake up, play in crib
8:00 - Breakfast of cereal and fruit followed by a bottle.
8:45 - Walk with Mommy
9:45 - Back from walk, finish bottle and breastfeed, read a book and snuggle.
10:00 - First Nap
11:30 - 12 - Wake up, play in crib
12 - Up from nap, drink bottle and play in Mommy's lap.
12:15 - 1:45 - Play or go out in the car while Mommy does errands.
1:45 - Bottle and snuggles
2:00 - Second Nap
4:30-4:45 - Wake up, play in crib
4:45 - Dinner, cereal and fruit followed by bottle.
5:00 - Floor play
6:30 - Daddy home, bedtime routine with bottle.
7:00 - Bed time!

It is a good, workable schedule. We sometimes get off schedule when I have errands to run, but Alex is flexible and easy-going as long as she's fed. And she seems to enjoy being out and about without getting too overstimulated or overtired, so we do try to go out at least for a little bit most days. Sometimes she naps a little during our walk in the morning, but she still takes that morning nap when we get home. She's such a good girl!

Lately I have been struggling with my self-image... I look and feel old and still out of shape. Still have 8 - 10 lbs i want to lose and feel like it's never going to go away. Plus my skin just looks rough and uneven, and I still have breakouts in weird places like my belly and my arms. I've been doing lots of scrubbing and exfoliating and experimenting with new make-up to see if I can start to feel attractive again, but I seem to be stuck in that PMS-y, gross, I-am-so-ugly-I-want-to-hide-under-a-rock mode. I think if I can just lose this weight and start to feel leaner and firmer, things will turn around. I did go out and buy some nice spring clothes in bright colors and a few pairs of really fantastic shoes, so that gives me some things to look forward to. Next week I'll go to Easley to visit Mom and Dad and then two weeks later to the beach with them, so with all of that walking and company daily, I bet I'll see a dramatic improvement physically and emotionally. I hope so. I'd say that the whole post-partem could potentially be much harder than pregnancy and birth on a woman. No one really talks that much about how hard it can be to face your saggy belly and boobs, balding head and teenager skin. You just keep wondering, "is this it? this is what I'm going to be like for the rest of my life???" and everyone else is focused on the baby, which is nice, but there's just not that support there that a pregnant woman comes to be accustomed to. So that's why I say it's harder (post-partem stuff) than pregnancy and birth. I'm just going to keep working on myself, because I don't really think any of these aftereffects are irreversible.

The house is quiet now as Alex is taking her afternoon nap after a really good, fun, laughy play session with Mommy and a big, warm bottle. Monday is laundry day, so here I sit with my Daddy basket, Mommy basket and Baby basket, all three full of clean, folded clothes, ready for the week. It's cold and rainy outside today, and probably the last day we'll have like this until next fall, so we're enjoying staying in and feeling cozy, though we did go for our walk in the drizzle this morning, because I skipped yesterday, which was Easter Sunday. I'm serving chili for dinner - Al will be so happy to come home to a warm favorite on a day like this. I love my family and my new job so much! PS Note to self: Need to figure out how to make pictures smaller before uploading them to diary!